No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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