Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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