1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
