she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize