is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
