WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Farmville is her only friend.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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