Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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