just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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