Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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