i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I have peed in a lot of sinks
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
