Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
