I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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