I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
