I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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