Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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