my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
