i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
