Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
