Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
