life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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