its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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