hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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