so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
