Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
