I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
