Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
