If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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