I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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