if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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