you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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