we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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