he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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