At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
