Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize