she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
