i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
