The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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