hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
