oh god the rape fog is back!
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
