I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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