no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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