wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
