My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
