some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
