I think my vagina is haunted
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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