for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
