I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize