Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
