No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
