Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
