I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
