After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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