Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
