every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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