i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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