They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
