Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
