the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Randomize