Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
