i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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