i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
