No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
