Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
