i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need to calm my uterus...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize