Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
