That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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