Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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