That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
