Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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