So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
