What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
