i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
