Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
