I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
