We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
