Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
