dude i'm inner monologue high
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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